Trusting someone to care for your disabled child after an unforgettable incident
Posted on 26th May 2021 at 14:11
The element of trusting another person with your child at any stage of their life is always a big one. These little people, who we often moan about but love with all of our heart and soul, are the most important part of our lives.
When your child is a baby, they’re completely reliant on the person looking after them and therefore you would only ask someone you trust to do it, a relative or close friend. I’m sure you would be only able to count on one hand the number of people you would trust with your newborn baby.
I think the same is said for people with a disability. You are having to place an enormous amount of trust and faith in that person to give the highest level of care and support possible and it goes on longer than just the newborn stage.
What do you consider when trusting someone with your child?
When you leave your child in the care of someone else think of all of the factors you take into consideration. Too many to begin to even list. Family members are the easiest process of elimination as we know them well and know who will do as you ask.
As a parent when you make the decision to return to work, looking for a childcare provider can take forever. We all want to ensure it is the right one for our child. In a certain respect you are handing over an element of parental control to someone else to ensure that a massive part of their upbringing how you want them to be raised. What are the opportunities there, does it look nice, how does it feel and so on. Natural.
Once your child reaches the stage they are able to communicate with you the burden becomes slightly less because your child can say “I don’t like school” or “today I hurt myself and the teacher helped me”. All of these things bring you comfort and happiness that you have made the right decision for your child and they are happy and being taken care of.
Having a child with special needs and trusting someone with their care
With some special needs children, the day never comes when they are not reliant on care. This is the case for my son George. George is completely and always will be reliant on care and support 24/7. George is non-verbal and cannot do anything for himself physically. This is a massive responsibility to pass on to someone else especially given George’s high level of medical needs.
His school provide him with a home school book, which acts as a communication guide between home and school. This helps share information on George’s mood or how he is feeling. It will communicate on his behalf to help the person at home or at school know what sort of day he has had. Now is what is written always true, I do have doubts at times. Unfortunately, we had an incident where a carer was falsifying notes to state she had done things at certain times and it transpired she hadn’t. This has led me to question everything!
I’m know I am extremely fortunate to have carers come in and help. As I know there are many parents and carers who have access to no help and are unpaid. I found the Carers Trust an excellent source as they help improve support, services and recognition for anyone living with disabilities. www.carers.org. I would recommend looking at all of the information on this website to see what help they can offer.
Private care can be extremely helpful, if you are fortunate to have access to it. However, does private care equal better care? Over the last few years, I have had had my fair share of issues with carers. I have to say the inspiration for this blog is due to the fact that I have had another issue raise its ugly head! So it made me think, how many other people have this issue with their carers? Surely we cannot be this unlucky.
You go through the whole employment process of hiring someone and you think you have found the right person which is fantastic. They have their DBS check and all comes back clear. Training is carried out and they seem to be building a wonderful relationship up with my so you start to relax more.
Having carers around can be difficult, you are allowing these people into your home and they see you, warts and all. There is no privacy with them around and your private life becomes part of their work life. The balance is hard.
You become friends with them, find out about their families and you welcome them in to your life.
Then it happens. At first it will be a little thing you notice that hasn’t been done. The first time you put it as a one off and you cover it yourself and then it happens again. Other things aren’t being done and then you start questioning everything. Another incident has popped into your head about something they have forgotten and pattern begins to form.
The trust has gone. You go back to your original feelings of watching, observing and constantly checking and then bang. You discover the truth.
Some of the stories, when I look back now are laughable. Obviously at the time they weren’t but now they are and you live and learn from them. However, some of them aren’t so laughable and stick in your mind for a long time. On one occasion, I had to involve the Police due to the severity. Although hard that it had to happen to George first, at least some other individual will not have to suffer at the hands of that carer. This is someone who had been in the care industry for a number of years so who knows what previous clients of hers had to endure. I have to take comfort from what happened to George will ensure this never happens again.
The constant thoughts go through my head, still to this day. How did I allow this to happen? Why would this person do this to my child? Why? Why? Why?
It is a shame that people abuse trust and it questions your whole beliefs system. You then have to start the whole process again and your spidey sense is higher than ever before.
I have to remember that not everything is bad
What I have to remember are the carers who go above and beyond to help you and your family. George is very fortunate to have a few special carers who are there for him and what he needs. I have no doubt in my head that George’s needs are paramount and he gets fussed and spoilt like he deserves to be.
It’s those carers, that are a few and far between, but when you get one. You are blessed. My advice would be, and this is advice that was passed down to me, treat your carers well and they will return it to you.
The care system unfortunately fails so many people and it’s those people that cause the doubts and the worry for any parent, child or family member handing over care of a loved one to another person.
I can safely say myself that I’ve had both bad and good experiences of carers and whilst the bad ones are very bad, I move on because I have to for my family and my son. In spite of all that I’m choosing to stay in a positive mindset and remember the good ones, the ones who are actually still here and working with George and taking good care of him and making a difference to his life which is what the care industry is all about!
It is very important to have people you trust when working with special needs children. This is why so many of our school customers return to us every year. They trust us to work with their children and young people to ensure they have the best possible experience.
After recently working with Keech Hospice, the parents asked for all of our contact details and said they would not hesitate to use us again as we made their child feel very comfortable and the whole experience was enjoyable.
We pride ourselves on trust and respect to our families, I personally feel it is one of the most fundamental attributes to have when working in any industry such as mine. Is trust an important issue to you when working with someone? Do trust issues affect the people you work with or who you choose to work with?
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